Thirtyism

Counting down the short week until I arrive at my 32nd birthday, I've been taking some time to examine my feelings about these thirties thus far. I've now successfully completed a full year as a thirty-something (not counting the 12 months between 30 and 31 as they were the awkward transition period, like the week and a half after a fresh haircut). This officially makes me a so-called "adult." Yay. I gush with glee.

With this newly christened adulthood, I share with you a list of advice and wisdom I've collected so far in these roaring thirties.

So let's start with this appetizer first: 

ADVICE AND WISDOM

• Understand that advice is given by those who feel they know a little better. It comes from a good place, but in the same breath it whispers, "I'm helping you while patting myself on the back juuust a little bit." Keep this in mind when you're receiving and/or giving advice.

(That's a funny place for me to start a list of wisdom and advice, don't you think? Carrying on now...)

1. RELATIONSHIPS

• Be sure to show the family and friends who you love and who love you back that they really are special. Sometimes all it takes is spending some quality moments together...a meal, a laugh, an engaged conversation. Listen to each other, allow the simple silences to nourish you...relationships shape your smile.

• Notice the little things others do, stuff that would commonly be overlooked. That's where the real treasure lies. A single acknowledgement of a minute detail could make a person's entire week. Complain less, compliment more.

• Fire your flaky friends. There are pot stirrers who thrive on drama in this world. And there are also hippies who just coast through life carefree. And there are those who balance it all out. "Under the stars, under the heavens, we are all but one family. It just so happens that people are different." We all have our own stories, all of which have their own cast of problems, pains, struggles, antagonists, and whatnot. No need to dwell on comparison or judgment, just marinate with the ones who bring out the best in you and let the others be. Pay no mind to what others think. You do you.

• Hearts break sometimes. Bruce Lee once broke his body in a bad weightlifting accident that could have rendered him crippled...but what did he say? "Walk on." Keep looking forward, keep moving forward. Allow yourself the time to heal, learn yourself, and - ultimately - love yourself. When you're at that better place in your life, that better person will find their way to you. You deserve to be happy, and someone deserving will bring you that happiness. Just love them and yourself genuinely and honestly.

* Side note: not all your exes will be despised. Face it, you were meant to be together when you two were together. You and her/him needed to learn something from the other in order to groom you to be better prepared for the one who's really gonna sweep you off your feet. Truth is, everything happens when it is supposed to happen.

You won't discover the answers right away, but in due time they'll reveal themselves to you.*Cue heavenly "ahhhhhh" followed by illuminating spotlight.

• Vulnerability. Obviously use discretion with who you trust, but more than likely, good folks will recognize, praise, and appreciate when you open yourself to share something personal and dear. If you open yourself up to the world, the world will open itself up to you.

• Get to know your family. Learn their story. Prepare to be intrigued and maybe even inspired. Then become a positively contributing character to the story...nay...LEGEND of your lineage.

2. WORK

• For the most part, at 30, you know what you want, you know what you don't want, and you have the finances to do what you want. Like a sculptor with a block of clay, strip away the inessentials and shape your piece until it becomes the artwork you want it to be. And when you take a lunch break from all this sculpting, go buy yourself an awesome sandwich...because you can.

• Make your passion your life's work. Whatever it is that you do for fun - that hobby that you really dig doing - that's what you should try to make a living doing. I was so lucky to realize as a kid what I wanted to do after my sister and I put on a puppet show to distract me from being sad. I discovered while passing cookies out to our audience of neighborhood kids after the show that bringing people together, entertaining them, and then giving a little something back to the community made me happy.

• We perform our best when we really enjoy and love what we're doing. Believe in your abilities and yourself first, and others will follow suit.

• Life is about more than money. Work is important, but remember that you work in order to live more comfortably. You weren't put on this earth to just go to school, go to work, make money, and then dwindle into retirement. Life is about living, so experience the adventure! Money comes and goes, and if you really need it, you'll find a means to make it.

I once was offered a lucrative job but turned it down to spend time with my ailing grandfather. Nothing compares to the love that enriched my heart and soul in those days. The conversations, combing his hair, laughing with him. The thought of passing up the job offer loomed in the back of my mind, but there was no place I would have rather been than sitting next to him, holding his leathery tough hands in my own. Not too long after, my grandpa passed. Sad as it was, I had no regrets because we shared wonderful moments together and the experience added more beautiful colors to my life's journey.

I booked another couple jobs afterward which not only paid incredibly well but also flew me all over the world to magical locations. The point: work will be there but people exist in this world for a finite amount of time. Don't take their presence for granted.

3. LIVING + TAKING CHANCES

• Some questions that ran through my mind occasionally throughout 31 included "Is this it? Is this what you'll be doing the rest of your life? Anything else you'd like to try?"

Like Nike says, "Just do it." Now clearly I'm not encouraging irrational/irresponsible behavior or criminal activity, but use your noggin with this one. This moment before you only happens once...live it up! It's like driving a car at night: your high beams at best can give you visibility for the 200 feet in front of you, so just drive the car and focus your attention on what's in front and around you right now. Don't worry too much about what you've already passed, looking in the rear view isn't gonna help you move forward. Stressing about what's beyond your line of vision is like searching for the land of unicorns...it ain't gonna get you nowhere but it will give you a headache. Just be present and maneuver your best with what's before you.

• The past and future are illusions. The past is made up of images, thoughts, and memories we've chosen to remember in our minds, feelings we've allowed to linger on. The future is an expectation, a daydream that we have of what's to come. So what's real? NOW. Now is the only place where you can take action and shape your life. Be present!

• Try Ethiopian food. Wear different colors. Try a different hairstyle. On the micro level, switch up your daily routine and brush your teeth with your left hand. Change won't just do you good, it's inevitable. Give it a hug and an athletic smack on the ass. The more open we are to adapting to changes, the more efficiently we'll learn and grow.

• Be weird. Silliness might not be nearly as off-putting as you think.

In fact, it may actually open doors. Don't let the fear of judgment or failure cause you to hesitate...they aren't the boss of you! Failure is the peel of an orange, but experience and learning are the actual juicy fruit. Don't be afraid to try out the produce. Strip off that peel. Get into that fruity goodness. Who knows, you may be able to transform that fruit into a fantastic success pie. Everybody loves pie.

4. APPRECIATION

• Of Health: On the note of pie and food, take care of your health. These eyes in my head are the ones I was born with 30 some years ago. These knees are the same I popped out into the world with. Yeah there's some wear and tear, but routine maintenance is paramount. We can indulge from time to time, but poisoning the body you have (the ONLY ONE you get) is like pooping in the one pair of underwear you brought on a weeklong camping trip. Take care of your health, you wanna keep this caboose trucking along for at least 60 more years.

• Of Running Water: Spill juice or cola into your hands. Then, for a full minute, tightly ball your hands into fists. Open them and stare at the dreadful stickiness. Then, don't wash your hands for ten minutes after all this. You will now appreciate running water and other simple, everyday luxuries.

• Of Fear: Fear is a misunderstood friend. Kind of like that one kid that smells in gym class. But if you take a chance to get to know it, you'll realize that it has its positive qualities and fear can be a great motivator.

• Of "What Is": Don't spend too much time poring over the what ifs. Rather, enjoy what is. Time after time, folks ramble on and on about what they want, losing sight of the awesome gifts they have right there in front of them. Let those kids play in their mind with that anxiety, you go play with those super cool toys around you in the sandbox.

• Of Communication: Read more. It helps to have an arsenal of vocabulary readily available when you want to clearly articulate your thoughts and feelings. And with that, you'll realize that communication is such a blessing. It's how we take a thought or feeling from within our mind, heart, and guts, manifest it into a medium that another person could understand, and then share it as the words leave the channel of our mouths. Words can spark battles as well as uplift nations, so be mindful of the words you choose to speak.

*Notes from a training session w/ my acting coach

• Of Pain and Patience: "Time heals all, and heels hurt to walk in." One of modern hip hop's most insightful lines...oh Drake, you wise sage, you. Breathe a soothing breath and practice patience. Sometimes we need to go through a little pain to stand taller, but discomfort will give way to growth.

• Of The Moment: A friend once told me that stuntmen live the lives they do - pushing the limits, traveling to the brimming edges of excitement - because at some point in their lives, they had to face mortality and realized how valuable every second we're above ground counts. The little things matter, every second is worth it. Live wrapped in a blanket of gratitude and share that warmth with the people around you.

• Of Your Smile: Laugh. Watch things that make you laugh. It cures every kind of ailment. Be around people who keep a smile on your face. Every so often, look in the mirror and smile at yourself. You're pretty damn awesome.

5. PURPOSE

• My Saturn has returned and guess what I've realized: we're all aliens from outer space. Ok, maybe not the Orson Wells kind of aliens, but we come from something bigger than us. And with that in mind, that bigger thing that we come from also lives inside us. We're a part of something bigger, and we all have a bigger purpose.

• Everybody - and I mean EVERYBODY - possesses special gifts. We're all Clark Kents with extraordinary powers waiting to be revealed. Sometimes you gotta give it time, stop staring so hard, just let go, and let yourself be. Who knows, maybe you'll surprise yourself.

• Take responsibility for yourself, your words, and your actions. All this talk about living free and giving your best in the moment, they all mean very well. But ultimately, we were put here on this earth, with all these people, for a reason. And this is where "adulthood" has really resonated.

I once worked with an actor named Will whom I admire immensely. Whenever he walked onto set, you felt the energy shift. Will had a way to infect the entire cast and crew with his charismatically contagious smile. He once said in an interview, "your life will become better by making others' lives better."

This guy...

We all have a personal and social responsibility, our actions affect other people...maybe even people we wouldn't think it'd affect. The South Africans call it "ubuntu", which means "I am because you are." In the grand masterpiece of life, we are all connected.

Think about it. Scientifically, we're made up of millions and billions of atoms. Atoms are balls of energy. So essentially, we're composed of energy. Our every relationship with others is an interaction of energy. It flows back and forth, my energy affects yours and yours affects mine. So be mindful of the energy you put out there into the world. You're responsible for your happiness, but also know that your happiness can bring others happiness, too.

• Above all, live in love. Imagine something you love: your family, your best friend, your spouse, your pet, your career, a piece of music, a piece of pie (there it is again), a good laugh...anything! How do you feel when you experience that thing you love? Pretty great, huh? Well, take this moment, close your eyes, and surrender to that feeling of love. Let it course through your veins, feel your heart warm with every beat, acknowledge the tingly exhilaration it brings you. Now open your eyes. It's still there, because the LOVE is still inside you. 

Now smile. You're now sharing it with others.

When we feel great, we can all do great things. And all we need to feel spectacular lives within us. It's love. Love is the resolution to any conflict, the answer to every question. Love is the beginning of life, love is what we leave in this world. Love is everything. Live in it all. 

Live in love!